my heart & soul

I love teaching my sister to draw. No boundaries, draw how you feel. Though I did remind her to draw what she sees, when it came to observational drawing (points to the portrait of me above). Experimenting on different methods using oil pastels, whilst she was having fun on her own.. I did a couple of sketches of my own too...

Art. A passion placed closely to my heart...

I don't say this enough but Art IS my life. I draw in buses, in the library, while waiting at the bus stop, though I haven't posted any of my sketches here... I've filled two of my sketchbooks merely on bus sketches. :) It's a sweet escape from reality, solitary moment, isolating myself from a chaotic world, a world with dissatisfaction, negativity, and greed.

So from the previous two posts, It is clear that I was feeling down, fear, discouraged, encouraged, and all sorts of other feelings.. In my opinion, life is....

Love life and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back.

What everyone wants from life is continuous and genuine happiness.

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.

Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep

Life is the flower for which love is the honey

Life is everything above and more... Life is unquestionably, confusing, depressing, frustrating, a dump, only when you want it to be.

(it's always hard typing out my feelings, as I'd normally do it in art lol)

So, what have I covered so far? *scrolls up* Yes! I was at a stage of "hating life" in the last few weeks, "hating" in terms of... "sigh, I don't know what else is there to do, I'd run away from home, but I have no money..." I was living in fear pretty much, in fear of the consequences of somethings that I've done. In that period of time, I had my phone taken away from me and thankfully not the internet.

With my phone taken off me, I've realised... I was needed in everyone's life., I wasn't a noone, I was needed in this world, called for a purpose as some would say... Instead of phoning a friend, I was staying up till 6am, talking to my sister.

No it's not as bad as it seem! Listening to my sister definately drew us closer, she offered her heart to me, in wish I could heal her with words of wisdom.

I felt a connection between us, a sister longing to be answered, and a sister with the answers.

As the bible says,

Matthew 11:29 -"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,and I will give you rest."

"Love life and life will love you back, Love people and people will love you back"

"life is the flower, and love is the honey"

At every point in life, we long to be loved. It is within our nature to have this longing, however for every love comes with a price. When was the last time, you felt love and then came hurt?

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
-- 1 Corinthians 13:13

In the bible God said so himself, "love" is the greatest for it is patient, love is kind.It does not envy.Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered.It keeps no record of wrongdoing.It does not delight in evil,But rejoices in the truth.It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves.There is nothing love cannot face;There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance.In a word, there are three things that last forever:Faith, hope, and love;But the greatest of them all is love.

The reason of our ongoing hurt comes down to our misinterpretation of love.

Love is found in all areas in life, among familiy and friends...

Within the past couple of months, I felt very limited love from my mum and sister, hence turning to my friends for love, (keep in mind I know where my boundaries stand :) Talking to friends made me feel appreciated, and being around the presence of friends felt good. Although I saw no issues with my life, there indeed was. The miscommunication between my family and I has caused countless of unneccessary arguments, then causing me to dial up a familiar number for "ring-a-ding-ding" time.

With the family not putting themselves in my position, I felt... the need to ignore reality, little did I know, that was the root of all problems. With me tucking under my blanket, talking on the phone. I was just avoiding to confront. I'd rather tuck under my blanket, than to go up to my mum, and tell her that I'm hurt.

& praying works!

I remember praying once, I prayed for understanding for both my parents, to soften their hearts, to be able to speak to them through me, unlike the times where I'd think "meh, stuff this" God, gave me the wisdom to type up an email even I myself wouldn't have thought of writing such an email.

Both my parents aren't mad now, there is nothing love cannot face, the love of God, the love of a family, and love of friends.

Misinterpretation of Love, is poorly worded.

Love holds a certain level of depth to everyone, putting ourselves out there to love without a moral compass, shows a sense of vulnerability. Without our moral compass to guide us, the deep longing within us, deep hunger longing to know the human other will go out of hand. We live in a society, where it's chaotically busy.. First VCE, then tutor, followed by assignments, before we know it.. comes SAC. Hence, the need of getting noticed and loved arises, the hunger of human connection. Even when we're totally content, there is a hunger in our soul.

I've been told this twice throughout my life,

When one gets emotionally and sexually attached with someone else, and they part from each other. Part of you gets taken away...

And this involves getting hurt and the loss of trust upon others, it all ties in... to the understanding of love, and knowing love can be found not just from the human "other" but within family and friends. :)